Moms Talk: Raising Tolerant Kids

The playground can often mimic adult life: group dynamics are observed, social skills practiced, and there’s usually parental supervision to govern the children at play. It’s easy to see the prejudices and politics passed on by parents, as well as generosities and tolerances. 

This week, I took my two boys to Annie’s Playground in Fallston for the first time. It was incredible for two reasons. First, the actual locale is massive, beautifully designed and maintained, and has so many different play areas. Mainly, it was awesome because we were greeted by a lovely group of kids who invited my two boys to play as soon as we arrived. Kids don’t always do that.

My eldest son Sammy is “on the spectrum” and sometimes it’s painful for me to watch him socialize. It’s hard for him, and he wants to make connections with every fiber of his being. He is hyper-engaged rather than withdrawn, and this is hard for some kids to accept and welcome. These kids did just that.

For the first time that I can remember, Sammy, a 7-year old, was overtly invited to join a group, and he interacted with ease and confidence. The other kids guided him with an intuition I’d never seen, and it was the best playground experience I think he (and I) ever had.

With such gratitude in my heart, I went over to the woman who was supervising this group of generous kids. I mentioned how thankful I was for such nice kids to include mine in the mix so naturally. I mentioned quickly my son’s Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and how he usually isn’t so easily incorporated into groups.

She then told me, “I am a special education assistant and I make sure there is a lot of discussion surrounding tolerance of differences and accepting all people in varying shapes, shades, sizes and abilities.” 

This made sense to me. Of course children will follow their parents' lead when it comes to how they treat others. Sure, the golden rule is always conveyed in classrooms and churches, but kids need to see their parents and role models actually doing it.

That’s the problem, and the reason why so many kids are not accepting of each other. All too often, parents are modeling bad behavior and don’t even know it.

Whether it’s a sideways comment about the weight of the person eating at the next table at Chili’s, or a racial comment you make on the phone in the car (when you think they’re not listening), kids need to see parents appreciating diversity to embrace it as a practice for themselves. And if that’s not a priority for you, reconsider, because diversity is the ideal this country is founded upon. 

The individuals hurt most by intolerance are children, plain and simple.