Positive Parenting: Plight of the “Tiger Mom”

The internet has been abuzz with a publication entitled “Battle Hymm of the Tiger Mother” from Yale Law School professor, Amy Chua regarding her “tiger mom” parenting style.  An excerpt was leaked from the book in the Wall Street Journal, entitled “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior” has really set the web ablaze. 

There has been much debate by parents on a global scale regarding Chua’s parenting techniques.  Needless to say, many people have voiced utter disdain over what some are calling “harsh” – to say the least -parenting methods.  Still others have maintained that her style is more reflective of her culture. 

When it comes to parenting style, there are several roads that parents travel in search of the mutual goals of positive results and overall success. Is this a defense of Chua’s style? No, it's merely a realization that all parents desire the very best for their children and will do just about anything to ensure their child’s success. 

It's safe to say that you cannot judge a book (especially this book) by its cover.  At the core of Chua’s parenting style is not maternal ruthlessness, but her way of building upon the notions of love, compassion and encouragement through parenting. 

Sure, many may say that Chua’s style is strict, if not razor-sharp, but when the shock has dissipated and the layers of her parenting style are peeled back, Chua is a die-hard, down-for-her-kids parent, just like you and I.  While many parents are distracted by Chua’s intial hardcore parenting style, they may miss Chua’s admissions on why she felt that some of her tactics did not work.

Chua is a positive parent and let me tell you why.  Everyday as a parent is a learning journey.  Just as your children may learn from you, as a parent you learn more about yourself and maybe even your parents through raising your own children. 

At the core of positive parenting is understanding that to be a parent you will inevitably make mistakes, and it is through those mistakes that you will become a better person and better parent.

For Chua it was to learn that each of her children were different and while one child may have been more compliant regarding her stern techniques, the other may not have been as pliable.  Did she throw in the towel? No.  What she did is what every parent must do which is to adjust her technique.  Chua had an epiphany where she learned how to utilize the art of compromise within her scope of parenting.

Contrary to popular belief, there are several points that Chua had that definitely made sense when parenting.  The one in particular is her use of rote repetition.  In order for a child of any age to succeed in a course or a sport, repetition is necessary.  Repeating the same course of action over and over again – whether that action is via use of flash cards for math or English, or even music, eventually the action will get easier for the child to accomplish.  Such is the nature of the human brain.

If nothing else, Chua has encouraged positive parents to stop and reassess the overall parenting style and results.