Dating and the Single Parent: Livin' La Vida Loca!

Lazy days, hot times, good fun, and great company, that's what summer is all about!  It's the season where most singles live la vida loca — they live the crazy life. Believe it or not many single parents seek the sizzle that summer brings; hoping to find that unspeakable magnetism with an amazing summer crush that will temporarily distract them from the pangs of daily life.  

Single parents on the go, need that great escape into the romantic abyss if only just to feel alive again. Sure, we take time out to relax, relate and release but what should you do when you're craving a little grown-up fun on the dating circuit?

If you said "get a sitter" that's part of it. It can be said that there are a few things you should keep in mind so you don't lose sight of your priorities while playing the dating game. Namely, your responsibility as a positive parent, and self respect; these are two of the things that alot of people seem to toss to the wind when they find themselves hopelessly in love with someone they've only just met.

There are many wildly successful people out there who are playing the dating game carelessly.  By carelessly I mean that they are bringing their one-nighters around their kids. The dating world and the world you share with your kids should be separate and never the two shall meet until you are absolutely sure that the individual will be in your life for the long haul.  

A friend of mine is an executive professional, and he is a single parent. He walks the line of career and parenting well, but he has several women in his sphere — some are potential mates (side dishes) and one is allegedly the main course.

He's playing with fire if you ask me, and his game is bound to blow up in his face but the dating game is one such game that he considers himself an expert at.  

He views himself as  connoisseur of seduction and if you haven't guessed by now, the names of his potential mates make up his weekly rotation list of one-nighters while his main woman is oblivious to all of the others.  She's hopelessly in love with an image that was presented to her during dinner. Part of me wants to find this main desirable woman of his and talk some sense into her head, starting out with those tried and true words, 

"Girl, he's just not that into you!  Take it from me! I know!" 

But, alas he's my friend. He confides in me and trusts my opinion. (I hear the snickers in the background chiding "Not anymore!" but anyways ... I digress, back to the topic at hand.)

Do I think it's cool - that is, how he's playing the game?  (Are you ready for this?)  Actually, yes and no, and here is my rational.

Yes. Because when you "date" you should definitely keep your options open. There is no law against learning about multiple people. Besides, one of my essential rules of dating is that men (as well as women) begin to reveal who they truly are within a 30-day period. In short, the person that you met at the beginning of the month will begin to show some of their true colors by the end of the month. What happens if you don't like what you see? Uh-huh, you keep it moving! So why not keep your options open?

No. When it comes to why I disagree, the reason is simple: it is a safety precaution.   don't believe in getting busy with just anybody — you can't tell who's carrying what STD by looking at them — but that's me.  Intimacy should be reserved for someone who deserves it; someone who earns it. Sure the desire may arise, but at some point, especially when you become a parent, you've got to stop and think "would I want my son or daughter to carry on like that when they come of age?" and "am I setting a good example for my child by carrying on as such?"  

Sometimes desire can easily come off as desperation and in the case of my friend, he does not want to accept that at his age (late 30-something/40-something) his insatiable quest to live la vida loca, instead of  trying make a connection is truly making him appear to be a bit desperate.

And nothing makes a woman run faster than a desperate man (and vice versa for the guys out there).  It's a huge turnoff.  Not to mention — this brings me to my other essential rule of dating — you never know how crazy someone can be, so take it easy.

The last thing you want is to meet somebody on Monday, go to dinner with them on Tuesday and by Wednesday they have a wedding with you all planned out in their head.  Uhm-hmm - crazy!

So, on your quest for hot fun in the summer time, ease on down the road and take the time out to see if you have met someone worth your time, energy, emotions, and intimacy - that way you won't get caught up and fall too quickly for the game!

Until next time...Live...Laugh...and Love...as much as possible.